Escape to myself

2022 has been a strange year; my life pivoted in July when I hit an age I never imagined I could be; 70! Then I encountered a much younger man and became madly infatuated with him. He was beautiful, sensitive and so open emotionally.

At 70 I never expected such an intense sexual relationship. Older people become invisible as vital and physical beings; we’re not expected to have passion and desire; to want and need excitement and that incredible rush of blood to head and heart. But we need the touch of another, the thrill of lying next to a lover and that mutuality of secret conversations lying entwined in a slick cats cradle of arms and legs as passion gentles to friendship.

It was a brief relationship but one which encompassed a deep mental and physical connection; he made me feel alive and turned my sense of self upside down and brought me to a realisation; I had been hibernating for years since the death of my husband.

My infatuation lead me to follow C to his home in Italy where I lived with him for a week in some sort of lust and love filled haze. Being with this beautiful and gentle man in an exquisite Italian village was a taste of romance I had never known. The colours of the buildings, the sea, the typical squares and alleys were intoxicating and lying in bed with the sound of the church bells wafting in through the slatted blinds next to C gave me an experience I’d never known. I knew that this couldn’t lead to anything permanent but my stay showed me how much I needed that friendship and that emotional and physical connection with someone. I saw what was missing.

So after much grieving for a past I could not regain and which perhaps was not worth grieving over I took the decision to go in search of life, excitement and passion; new experiences and maybe new friends. I leave for Europe in three weeks. Follow me to see where my adventure leads.