Escape to myself

I started this blog as a sort of exploration of self. Sometimes it’s been more of a travelogue with a few personal asides sometimes an open look at myself. Today as I get ready to embark on my next journey I’m thinking about my future and my place in it. I’m finding it increasingly challenging getting older and becoming less visible. I think I’m a bit of a narcissist… I love being the centre of attention and as I grow older I think I feel less of an individual and more of a generic old person. I know I’m lucky to be healthy and in a position to explore but it’s still hard to do it alone.

I observe that whereas once you were expected to participate in life now perhaps you’re sidelined a little … not in the mainstream and maybe perceived as having fewer human longings and desires; maybe easier to ignore. People are always defined by what they DO so once you retire you’re easier to dismiss. Perhaps it’s some sort of shorthand which means people can pigeonhole you without exploring who one IS. And yet like many others my soul still yearns for excitement, the new, intimacy and connection with the world. I think single men also find it difficult to connect with those in couples. I think my journeys have helped with that … at least I feel a little more connected and occupied and I have found interest but real connections still elude me sometimes though I find people, particularly young people, are more willing to engage with me. Today on my trip to London I had so many contacts that I felt better; a chat with a young designer in a market, an interview with a young girl for Tik Tok and a few other apprehensions of connection. So I will gear myself up for new experiences and step out with confidence and optimism that good things happen if you let them … I know the inconceivable can manifest itself.